Gastro-Google Blues

Gastro – Google Blues

Reducing weight, apparently, is quite the thing to do

If you should find your waist inhibits tying up your shoe

My wife declared our current menu healthy, wise and frugal

But, on a mission, I one night consulted Mr Google .

And what he had to say quite frankly scared me half to death

His information overload just took away my breath

With "Don't eat this!" and Don’t eat that!" - it filled me with dismay

To find white sugar's poison - yet I have it every day!

Some say if I don't eat red meat I could become anaemic

There's words like phytonutrients and indices glycaemic

Beware of high cholesterol - it rises every hour

If you even look at chocolate or consume refined white flour!

Some carbos are not good for you and others quite okay

White bread is bad and so is wholegrain many people say

And wheat? Well, that is just about the worst thing ever out

If it doesn't give you bloating, it'll surely make you stout!

Potatoes are the worst thing you can put upon your plate

For they expand the waistline at a most alarming rate

And as I Googled on I just could not believe my eyes.......

No bread ... No pastry.... No ice cream.... No beer......... and no pork pies!

I told my wife "He's crazy this 'ere Mr Google guy

He spouts advice like water - it's enough to make you cry!"

"Now don't you worry dear" she said as I began to pine

"You can't tell truth from fiction with the stuff you read online"

"I wonder how we've lived this long - when we were young" I said

" We had no flippin' gluten free reduced starch wholemeal bread!"

My wife said "Yes and ice cream once was good for what you'd got

They'd serve it up in hospitals - and patients ate the lot!"

I said to her "I'm not so sure I want to break my habit

If I eat all that green stuff I shall turn into a rabbit!"

"Well, moderation seems to be the way to go" said she

"A bit of what you fancy does you good – that’s fine with me!”

Some choices are just common sense and some we can't avoid

My choice right then was not to join the gastro- paranoid

So I shut down Mr Google and his know-all expertise

My wife said "Would you like a beer?" And I replied "Yes please!"